Anxiety is something that many of use deal with on a day to day basis. I am anxious in social situations to the point of sometimes wanting to avoid them. Others in my life are anxious at the state of the world, the depravity of mankind, the economy, the political theatre we’re subjected to in the news, the idiocy of others… the list goes on. There’s even a remix of the Goyte song, “Somebody that you used to know”, about Anxiety by Doechii that slaps and has been making the rounds on TikTok. Here’s the video for it directed by James Mackel.
What is really funny about anxiety… it stems usually from the inability to control situations or being unsure of what’s to come or what’s happening. It’s all about the future, something that hasn’t even happened yet. What MIGHT happen. I mean, you can be prepared for things, but if all you’re doing is preparing, you’re not doing anything to avert the inciting event.
My computer has been making odd noises, rebooting randomly from time to time, and generally making me feel insecure about it’s continued operation. For a long while now, I’ve been contemplating building another one or ordering one at least. The time… has come. Sure, I could limp along with it for another year, but I use it for work where I’ve also just been handed some additional responsibilities and projects. I use it for recreation, research, and a myriad other things too and I know it’s time. I placed the order and it will be here some time early June. The anxiety of not having a PC has been replaced with excitement to get a new one…. which then bleeds into anxiety over the cost to buy a piece of technology and getting it set up and what files am I forgetting to back up, and what if it’s damaged in shipping, and on and on and on until it’s no longer a pleasurable experience.
This is how we treat ourselves in this world we’ve created. We stress the bad things but also about something that’s good and that benefits us. We consume media to forget the stress regardless of the source and because we’re stressed and anxious, the algorithm feeds us more because it thinks that’s what we want because that’s what we’ve interacted with and it stresses us out even more until it’s an anxiety spiral for which medication is required. The trick is to be anxious about one thing at a time, but that’s hard to manage. Another is to compartmentalize and label your anxieties, focusing on only one of them at a time… again, easier said than done. I find not only focus but acceptance is helpful. It’s difficult but not as difficult as being anxious all the time. For now, I’m going to be happy I’ve got more responsibilities at work and happy that I can provide more utility and have more learning opportunities. I’m going to be happy I’m getting a new computer and I’ll focus on the fun things I can do with it like playing a game I like or researching topics I enjoy or creating something useful to others. What is done is done and the future isn’t written so I can write whatever I want. Now is all that matters.
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” ~ Kahlil Gibran
I agree, now is all that matters